Why won’t eHarmony reject me?

You may have seen one of the recent chemistry.com commercials depicting people ‘rejected by eHarmony.’ If you haven’t, here’s one of them:

Ok, so the point of this ad series is obviously that eHarmony actually doesn’t let everyone join their dating site, even though they claim to be out to match you with your soulmate based on ’29 dimensions of compatibility.’ So, is eHarmony saying these people don’t have soulmates? Will no one love them?

That seems to be the question asked by the girl in the ad above, and you’ve got to feel sort of bad for her. After all, she’s clearly not freakishly hideous, nor does she seem to have any obvious sociopathic qualities. So what’s going on here?

Well, first I tried to get rejected by eHarmony. After their gazillion question survey, they offered to find me my special someone. Great. Only problem, I’ve been in a relationship for five years now. So, what does it take to get rejected? Many people have alleged racism, or that eHarmony only matches religious people. But that just seems like a quick route to getting sued, so I poked a little deeper on Google, and found this: Why eHarmony Rejected You.

You can read the whole article on the site, but the long and short of it is this: eHarmony apparently has standards, and emotionally-broken, committment-phobes apparently don’t make for stable life partners. Here’s an excerpt from the article:

Reason #1. You said you are separated or married on page 14. 30% of eHarmony rejects fall into this category, according to a May 2007 article in the Washington Post.

Reason #2. You said you are below 21 on page 14. 27% percent fall into this category.

Reason #3. You said you were married more than twice on page 14.1 “EHarmony also rejects anyone younger than 60 who’s been married more than four times,” according to the Washington Post article. (The cursed test asks these three items only when you’re almost done.)

Reason #4. Your answers don’t tally, i.e., (a) you clicked randomly or (b) for example, you put “1″ under Aloof on page 1, but checked “Outgoing” on page 6. 9% of rejects fall into this category.

Reason #5. You scored low on the following traits — eHarmony calls them dimensions:

* Self-Concept (how you perceive yourself)
* Emotional Status (feeling happy, fulfilled and hopeful)
* Character (honesty and trustworthiness)
* Obstreperousness (the black hole dimension)
* Character (honesty and trustworthiness)2
* Emotion Management: Anger (expressing negative emotions constructively)
* Conflict Resolution (resolving issues).
* Family Background (happy childhood and supportiveness of your parents)

It may seem crass, heartless, or even inhuman that, in our touchy-feely society, not everyone can be matched by a dating service promising the personal touch. However, when you think about it, eHarmony has a duty to someone equally important as you: the customer they send on a date with you. And frankly, if you’re an emotional wasteland from the fallout of your third divorce, you may need to just take some time away from the dating scene before throwing yourself at some poor, unsuspecting slob on the other side of the internet-tubes. I think that, were I looking to date online, I’d rather take my chances on a site like eHarmony, where the mercenary work of screening out the true crazies is done for me, than on the sappy, all-inclusive chemistry.com.

eharmony, rejected by eharmony, chemistry.com, eharmony.com, online dating


  1. Mitchell says:

    Reading the comments I see a major trend here, the closed-minded people that think everyone who can not be easily labelled are the ones that are praising eHarmony for their criteria. However, they were most likely approved under the pretense that they are probally, caring, passionate, and understanding. Fail. Entirely. Anyone can lie, if someone was a real "weirdo" they would. Then they would meet you under the pretense of a different personality. How is that an ideal match? It seems as though they already let a lot of people do that. Men and women lie at bars and social events to get with the opposite gender, why is this any different?

  2. Eli says:

    I just got rejected and I think it it because they have that question about honesty and NO I am not honest 100% of the time. What woman could be if she is dating a straight man? Come on. That just isn’t reasonable.

    “Babe does this look alright?”
    I’m thinking you look like Helen Keller dressed you, but I say, “Babe you look great!” Why? Because dude has feelings and he gave it a try. That is what is important to me.

    eHarmony is looking for people who either believe in shared imaginary friends or who are overly optimistic about every aspect of their lives and future. Good for them, but count me in the “have some goddamn humility, a lot of people in the world are douche bags, everything isn’t perfect” group. Being pragmatic about life doesn’t mean your psychologically unstable. It just means you know the world is a dynamic, ever changing place with good and bad people. You don’t try to make the world better by holding hands and singing.

    In some ways, I am glad I got rejected. I won’t have to deal with the “life is all rosy all the time crowd” and find a pragmatic person who has a full range of emotions and doesn’t think marriage will be like hitting the lottery. How about some reality in life for a change? Maybe that is why so many of you get divorced. eHarmony may have a high rate of coupling, but what is the rate of divorce amongst those who have gotten married? I would love to know that stat.

    Good with the bad people! That is the spice of life!

  3. Melody says:

    i feel as if all these comments and this article are saying people who are “crazy,” which is quite an offensive term anyway, are saying that people who may be different in mind/emotionally are not worthy of love. in a big way, that is quite bothersome to me. but that’s most of the world, I guess. most of the harsh world.

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