Today’s Douchebag of the Day is an entire organization, the American Kennel Club. These people have taken the wonderful idea of owning a dog, and turned it into a highly classed system of discrimination designed to make owners of purebred dogs feel superior to those of us shmucks that got ours from a shelter and didn’t contribute to a huge overpopulation problem.
Essentially, the nature of the AKC is based upon the same ideals of exclusion that such fine institutions as the Ku Klux Klan, country clubs, and fitness centers have popularized in the course of our history. If a dog does not have a lineage (and a $1,500 price tag), it is an inferior ‘mutt‘ and is not worthy even of entering AKC events such as ‘Agility,’ whose dogs are separated only by height categories. This is the kind of stupidity that we commonly see only in such organizations as the National Socialist Libertarian Green Party, or as they are more affectionately known, the Nazis. However, the AKC gives it to us in doses, ladled out by octagenarian WASPs in horridly flashly evening gowns dottering around inspecting misbehaving, inbred bastard dogs, before pinning ribbons on their fat, sweating owners.
In all seriousness, the AKC promotes a disgusting practice when they promote the purebred dog: that of buying a new pet with a ‘brand name’ from a pet store, when millions languish in shelters across the country waiting for adoption, costing next to nothing, and willing to give all the love in the world. Furthermore, since they’re not inbred, mutts are generally healthier and more hearty animals, meaning they tend to live longer, are susceptible to fewer genetic and infectious diseases, and cost their owners less in medical bills. And best of all, none of them will ever have to be owned by the douchebags who call themselves members of the AKC.